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  • Writer's picturejvaine1

A Confession To the Paddle Community.

I have lost my shit on a person in front of me driving 5 mph over the speed limit in the left lane. Swearing at them. Waving my hands. And becoming a full blown asshole.

Them driving slow was not the issue. It was this thing inside that left me unhappy. It wasn't from the morning. Or the day before. It was deep rooted. And attacking an unsuspecting motorist that I could not change, was the easiest way to deflect my anger.

Over the past few months I have started to dive deep into a journey of finding out where this anger is coming from. Making steps on how to acknowledge, aspect and work with it. The reason, that poor driver minding his business is not the only one who has come under the fire from my aggression. Friends. Family. And an industry and community that I love. Has taken its share of tirades.

Over the past week I started to realize, racing became the target of my recent rage. My blogs about racing have good intentions. And I know a lot of good things have come from it. However my transparency was lacking and I was putting a personal agenda forward. And placing a vendetta against the community and industry that changed my world. For the better.

I felt inspired to put this blog together. To admit my short comings and misguided aggression. As well as to apologize to those who I have tried to take wind out of their sales on doing their part in the community and industry. Racing is still doing its thing in the manner it always have. And like any competition. Some get upset. Some excited. Some burned out. And others inspired. It is the ebb and flows of life of being an athlete. I found myself on the burned out side. And that falls on me and doing the work on myself. Which I have finally set out to do.

For 9 years I have chased the race scene. It has been one hell of a ride. One I would not change for the world. I still find myself heated in the midst of battle. Often forgetting everything I preach from this virtual soap box. I love the aspect of competing at the highest level I can. Rubbing rails with my boys going into the buoys. And talking about how close I was to catching that guy in front of me. That shit will never change. As I do it in hockey. Corn hole. And knee hockey with the niece and nephews. I have a competitive spirit that burns hot. And I am learning to own it and more importantly. Love it. Some of you saw that excitement in these posts. Wondering a bit where I was going or trying to do. A few of you helped guide me back to the place I love, and excel, leading by example with my pom pom's high.

For anyone I upset. I am sorry. For my friends that are trying to make a living in this sport. Fucking do it. Those that want to make a change for the best of the sport. Don't ask, charge into it and if it doesn't work. This community will be right there behind you. I promise.

I am beyond grateful for the outpouring of comments. Interaction. And people being transparent as fuck with how they feel about my words. And points. This truly is why I get excited about writing. And more importantly this sport and people who make it what it is. Thank you for having my back. No matter what. I can't wait to see you on the water.

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